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Sex drugs and MSpaint
by jewdozer Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:18 pm
The Bait
My sexual adventures have always been quite unusual. The stereotypical boy meets girl, takes her back to his place and fucks her has never quite worked out for me. This next story is a typical sexual experience that didn't go the way I expected.
Last week I was invited to my friend's birthday night in a bar where we were all expected to either, make our excuses and duck off home early or, get totally loaded and lose control. Being the man of excess that I am, I decided to go for the latter. One good thing about these kinds of nights is you meet people you haven't seen in a while and one person who was there was my friend's sister, who I had always wanted to duck but never did because ducking your friend's family is wrong, unless it's their gran.
They say the golden rule for casual sex is 'never duck a friend'. I've always lived by that rule and it's served me well but if it's someone you don't really see anymore, it kind of doesn't apply. At the bar we were all working our way around each other, re-introducing ourselves to aquaintances who were either pretending they remember you from that last forgetable "hello, I'm so and so's friend" or avoiding contact with any strangers by sticking as close to friends as possible. I was feeling sociable on this particular night and made sure I didn't take too long to meet up with my friend's sister Sarah for a good old catch up.
Theres a few tips that I always use and work by when I'm interested in someone.
1. If it's someone you know from the past, greet them with a kiss and a hand on their side. Some say this is creepy but if they are even remotely interested its first base.
2. Tell them they haven't changed a bit from 4 years ago when you saw them last and that they are looking great.
3. Relate 1 or 2 funny stories that they will have probably forgotten which will remind them of happier times. Regardless of how happy they are now, they will look back on the past as 'the golden years' if your 'story from past' brings back a forgotten memory that warms their insides.
The rest is down to charm and circumstance.
Seriously now, Sarah was always a fine looking girl who kept herself in great shape but her problem was, she knew it. She lived a hollow life of self obsession but from what I heard she was a fantastic duck and I just had to find out if this was true or if it was the usual macho bragging from her fuckbuddies. Only one thing was really bothering me, her brother. If he found out I was hitting on his sister then he would be pretty fucked off with me and friends are always more important than a quick bit of 'in out, in out'.
The drinks were flowing as the night wore on and I was smart enough to drink the weakest beer in the joint, I was going to stay sharp. We laughed and talked all night, things were going really well. After a while, one of the guys came over and told us that in two minutes we were moving down the block to the next bar. Half of our party had gone home by now and the remaining half were the all nighters who were out for a bar crawl. I was out for a drink but my vice was slightly different from the others, she was going to be naked in my bed tonight either of her free will or with a ducking knife to her throat.
jewdozer- Posts : 63
Join date : 2008-09-28
Re: Sex drugs and MSpaint
by jewdozer Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:26 pm
The Passion
It was one of those moments next where we had, well she had, well she claimed to have totally lost all track of time. The bar was calling last orders and it was nearly kick out time. Here we were, it was make or break and you know exactly how good your chances are just by looking at their face when the moment of decision comes. I took a look at her and I could see she was mine. I suggested we shared a taxi home to split the cost and that I would get out first, due to her living further outside the city. She agreed to this taxi arrangement, she was definately getting fucked tonight. As the taxi pulled away I remarked how much fun the night had been and that seeing her again made me very happy, I got the 'duck me eyes' and made my move, I started kissing her. The taxi driver had the best seat in the house and we put on a hell of a show.
As the taxi pulled up outside my place, I literally threw some cash at him, stumbled out of the taxi and dragged her behind me through my front door. We virtually ripped each others clothes off, I slammed her against the wall and sank my teeth in her neck. This was not going to be a nice, gentle experience, it was animalistic, almost violent and it was clear that in the morning we would be mopping up the blood and nursing our wounds. I pulled her into the bathroom and pinned her against the tiled wall under the shower. My rapemeat was so hard it hurt so I lifted her onto my throbbing cock and bust her pussy, her legs were wrapped around my waist as we devoured each other.
I washed her pussy and the fun and games carried on in the bedroom. She kept slapping me so I pinned her to the bed with my weight, spat at her and sank my throbber in her again, the fighting stopped. After a good 15 minutes I whispered in her ear "I'm going to flip you over in a moment and give you something special". This was where I got my first stop sign. It seemed that she wasn't into getting her asshole stuffed with lust. I wanted to leave two bruises where my balls would bang against her ass, I wanted to buttfuck her from the front so I could see the tears of pain roll down her face. I felt deflated, disappointed and began to lose interest fast so things gradually calmed down to a stop.
We laid there for a while and talked about the issues of telling people, I mean everybody knew us but not together. It became clear quickly that it wasn't anything serious on either side and really had no need to be told to anyone. She was basically a piece of meat and I was the same to her, it wasn't long before she fell asleep. It bothered me that I hadn't managed to go up all her holes, I'd been in her mouth and snatch but it was her shitbox I really wanted to bust, shit on my peepee would be pwnage! I decided at this point to play a naughty little trick on her.
The Sting
In my bedside table was my condoms, a pencil and a headtorch, which I used for powercuts. She was fast asleep and the only thing that would wake her, would be a bomb so I put the torch on my head, grabbed the condom, the pencil and slid under the sheets. Fortunately she was laying on her side with her ass facing me which made my mission of pwnage easier. I placed the pencil inside the condom and directed the torch beam at her gloryhole. I parted her shitlips and slowly started feeding the condom into her anus. Because the pencil was so thin, she didn't seem to feel it enough to wake, or so I thought. The plan was to leave it stuck up there till the morning. She was supposed to wake up and find it hanging out of her ass which I would have found hilariously funny. She wouldn't know either way, due to the hangover, whether or not she let me fill her ass with duck or not.
jewdozer- Posts : 63
Join date : 2008-09-28
Re: Sex drugs and MSpaint
by jewdozer Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:30 pm
Things took a dark twist. Just as I was about to slide the pencil out of her ass, she decided to ducking turn in her sleep.There was about six inches of pencil up there when she did this. All I heard was this almighty scream as the pencil snapped.........OH duck!
What happened next was so funny. She lept out of bed like a man on fire with blood coming out of her backside, I was killing myself laughing. "WHAT THE duck HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!!" she screamed. "You had better come here and bend over" I replied, "I seem to have lost my pencil you dumb cunt". If she had just laid still, everything would have been fine. "WHAT?! WHAT? WHAT THE duck?" I held up the broken end of the pencil and said "assume the position mother ducker LOL". Fortunately the end was quite visible and I simply held it and pulled it out with the condom. She slapped me across the face.
She frantically started putting her clothes on and just continued swearing at me as I masturbated. "YOU MAKE ME ducking SICK YOU NASTY BASTARD" she said. "You still owe me for half of the taxi you miserable bitch" I replied. She slammed the door and went down stairs, she was gone.
Well it was now about 4am so I decided to do some drugs.........
The High
One thing I've learned about drugs in my life is you always need to have as many kinds around as possible. No experience is ever complete unless you can alter it even further depending on your mood. As the bitch was gone, I decided I needed something to finish off my masturbation with a bang. So naturally I grabbed some coke and mixed in a little mescaline for the funny shapes. You may say, "Sir, mescaline is taken orally." I will say to you that you don't know what the hell you are talking about and if you aren't open to new experiences then don't mix stimulants and psychedelics inside your nose.
Obviously the mescaline was riding along a bit slower than Mr. cocaine and as I felt the surge of energy hit me, my masturbation turned a bit angry and waywards. With the memory of the bloody pencil/condom fresh in my head I decided it was time for some self mutilation. You might not think a Q-tip could cause much harm to your person... not until you dip it in hydrogen peroxide and stick the filthy motherducker in your pee hole.
I was riding pretty high now with the tip of my peepee burning like a dragon and my hand jacking it as hard as possible with the coke fueling the mad ride. I knew now that if I blew my load I would probably pass out or at least hurt myself, falling to the floor so somehow, I managed to back off on the meat-beating speed and maintain an even keel. Of course that was about the time that Mr. mescaline showed up.
I really hadn't anticipated burning my urethera with the peroxide so when the fun hit and began bringing my senses up, the pain in my peepee began to go beyond fun masochism and into that other kind of masochism, the kind that brought about the use of safe words. Nothing visual was occuring yet so I took this as my cue to find a new drug to throw in my melting pot/head. Of course the only thing for this occasion was the horse.
I needed relief and I needed it fast. And yes I was FUCKED UP. There is no other explanation for injecting heroin into your peepee. There are all those big prominent veins and obviously they can pump some motherfucking blood. But if any of you are biology buffs (or read much about sex) you'll know that the peepee maintains it's stiffness by constricing the blood vessles and preventing the bright red stuff from leaving the cock. I knew this in theory, but at the moment it honestly did not occur to me.
A few minutes later the mescaline was really beginning to work. I managed to stab the peepee right in it's relative mainline. Considering the circumstances it both hurt like hell and I didn't feel a thing. I imagined the steel tip of the syringe bending and hauling ass up the turn pike of my urethera. Of course nothing of the sort happened, but the feelings broadcasting from my head, left room for interpretation. The coke was wearing off. I managed to lean myself up against the wall just as my peepee began to talk.
The Low
I did not feel the H at all and it slowly dawned on me that my peepee was riding the horse on his own. He was fucked up and keeping it to himself. The heroin was making him lose his stiffness though, and that was not what I had worked so hard to accomplish! If he lost his compusure I was going to be laying in the floor with no satisfaction. There was really only one thing to do. Amphetamines in my ballsack.
My plan at this moment was ridiuculous but I knew that it would work if I acted fast. If the amphetamines dissolved in my semen and I managed to masturbate fast enough to bring the cum into my chick, I could stimulate him enough to bring about the sexual masterwork I desired. I needed to work fast because before long I would not be able to tell my peepee from the growing sickle cell anemia trees that were building their cities nearby. They had taken slaves from the nearby watering hole and college, fresh young shit tits that had been scoring ludicrous amounts of points in a game of volleyball. With a large labor force, the sickle cells would be able to discover what was wrong with their catapults far quicker than I could finish putting up my car seat (aka cumming C-U-M it's spelled mommy not C-O-M-E you dumb cat).
The bastards were loading up their catapults with my sleeping pills. I knew what they wanted and that was me DEAD. I took hold of my ball sack and squeezed it like a faggots hand. There was no time to masturbate the semen into my shaft, I needed it there now. I needed those uppers in my chick before those ducking piss-cocks got their weapons of war trained. I was not going to fail and somehow I knew that if I blew my load, it would wipe out the entire ducking lot. They would never survive the cummie poopy mess that I was about to install. Just as I felt I was really getting close to finishing this before it escalated, I realized I had ruptured my ball sack and my hands and legs were being soaked in my own blood/cum. They were pulling the wool over my goddamn eyes! Those ducking twirled up fruit subsitutes had joined in an alliance with the ducking sickle cells and the worst part was, they had the ducking codes to the missles! Catapults were bad but JESUS H GODDAMN CHRIST now it was all over. I was literally standing there trying to keep my nuts from hitting the floor.
jewdozer- Posts : 63
Join date : 2008-09-28
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